Insurance Companies Really Cover All Bases

Of all the things that have come out of capitalism, the idea of private health insurance is one of the things that angers me the most. I have to hand it to the companies though, they really know how to cover everything in their policies. This is a collection of the most notable exceptions in my recent insurance policy.

The Not Too Surprising:
- Treatment of Behavior Health or Substance Abuse [damn, I was really hoping for that black tar heroin habit]
- Treatment of Pre-Existing Conditions
- Charges for work-related sickness that would be covered under worker's comp.
- Charges for transplant organs that were sold rather than donated [now what to do with this bucket o' kidneys?]
- Experimental services
- Assisted suicide
- Non-Emergency Plastic/Cosmetic Surgery and drugs related to.
- Treatment of prevention of Hair loss
- Stress management
- meditation and relaxation therapy
- aromatherapy
- Gender reassignment and drugs related to it.

The Surprising but Probable:
- Charges for transplant organs from animals.
-  Participating and instruction of parachute jumping, hang-gliding, bungee jumping, racing any motorized or    non-motorized vehicle, skiing, or rodeo activities.
- Charges for treatment or services incurred during the voluntary attempt to commit, participation in, or commission of a felony, whether or not charged.
- Snoring

The Absurd:
- War or any act of war, whether declared or undeclared [So, they're expecting one?]
- Foreign or domestic acts of terrorism that result in a nationwide epidemic. [Again, they're expecting this?]
-  Charges for treatment, services, supplies or drugs designed to treat, alter, impact, or differentiate a covered person's genetic make-up or genetic predisposition [Really looking toward the future guys.]
- Change in skin pigmentation.

Granted, I'm thankful for insurance, I've been very lucky that I haven't had to spend too long a time without it so far. This is just an observation and almost celebration on the thoroughness of this insurance company. Now, I did notice that they do not include natural disasters in the exceptions, just the unnatural ones, so that's good news and while bio-terrorism is included good ole fashion injuries that stem from blowing things up isn't. Things could be far worse, I just wish I could afford to be a Japanese man with breast implants that runs a sky diving rodeo. One of these days...one of these days.