News from the Future

Ten Years after US Immigration Reform Passes: "Bachmann was right."

    WASHINGTON DC It has been ten years since sweeping  reforms passed and it is times like this when the American people look back into their past and reflect on what was. Since surprising immigration reforms in the final years of the Obama administration, the political climate is very different. What used to be a seemingly  perpetually deadlocked legislative branch has become a model of progression. The two party system lives on in the form of the Democrat and Labor parties and the once influential GOP has all but completely disintegrated under pressure from the influx of new voters that occurred in the later years of the "Teen-cade," a name that in the end turned out to be most appropriate because of the awkwardness of the decade. What caused this dramatic change? In 2013, at the time influential GOP party member, now part time rodeo clown, Michelle Bachmann said in an interview that if immigration reforms were passed  no more republicans would be elected. At the time many people scoffed at the notion, but of course hindsight is twenty twenty, and by mid-term elections in 2014 and mainly due to frustration by many American voters, most of the republican congressional seats were voted out. Young Representative from Pennsylvania, Frank Thurman (L) had this to say on what transpired "I remember first seeing the Bachmann interview on facebook.com when my boyfriend at the time posted it from work. Naturally like many others I thought to myself "Well that'll be the day." Sure enough after the reforms occurred and there was a brand new population of voters there was drastic upheaval. After that, healthcare became more socialized to accommodate the new immigrant population and a few years later and after five more states recognized gay marriage the marriage equality act of 2018 was signed and put into law. That was just the start of what many would say would be one of the golden ages of recent American History. More money was even given to STEM education and NASA! It truly was an exciting time, but what really was surprising to myself and many others was that Bachmann was right for once." 

    Like in any time of great change, not everyone was happy during these years though. For a time there was a surge of  violent cult like activity by Tea Party splinter groups in the South Eastern United States and Texas. It escalated when an Alabama sect of the Children of Santorum committed mass suicide upon the ratification of the Marriage Equality Act by drinking a poison concoction of holy water, moonshine, and cyanide and it was because of the armed raids on several branches in 2019 that Planned Parenthood became a federally protected institution. The truest sign that the days of the republican party of the 21st century were over was when one of its most outspoken members, Sean Hannity, died in 2020 while Auto-Erotic Asphyxiating himself. After the dust on the political battlefield settled, a new age of American Politics came forth from the ashes and an age of progression began. In the past three years there has been incredible work done for climate control, medicine, education and infrastructure. Tax reform has corrected many mistakes from the past and for once, giving money to the government is no longer seen as a trick by the boogeyman to steal people's infants. As far as the remains of the once influential republican party, many of the more adaptable members were absorbed into the already increasingly conservative Democratic party and those who refused to adapt formed the ineffectual Blood Party, named so because the name "The Red Party" was far too "Pinko Commie" sounding.

    It was once said that the flap of a butterfly's wing can create storms across the world. This idea has been no better shown than what has transpired in the past ten years. To think, the simple act of giving more power to oppressed immigrants and minorities could have such a large effect on the greater political world. It was not always the smoothest of transitions, but when it was all over, this great country showed its true colors and potential. 

June 13, 2023